Hey, Guy’s I know it been a while since I’ve posted anything but I’ve been so busy juggling writing books, being a mom, and trying to find that motivation. I will try to post something once a day…keyword (TRY).
Do you know what it feels like to crave something? to the point were every fiber in your being comes to life when you hear its name? That’s how I feel about BDSM, ever since watching the movie 50 Shads of Gray, it’s all I can think about, all I read about, and all I hear. I know they say curiosity killed the cat; in this instance, I would hope that’s exactly what happens (lol). I never thought I’d be the type to be into something like that, to be honest, I never considered myself to be submissive, I’ve never craved to be controlled or dominated. Not only is it not common in my culture but also in my household, So where did this need come from? was it always there? Is it why I’ve always craved more during sex? I honestly don’t know the answer to those questions, but I feel once I dive into the lifestyle I will be both nervous and excited about what I manage to uncover. I have spoken to a couple “DOMs”, and each has said, “you won’t really know how you will feel about the lifestyle until you try it”.
My mind goes into hyperdrive when I try to think about all the things that could happen to me, I also have my fears and I think that’s what’s stopping me from diving head first into the lifestyle. The biggest fear I have is being seen as a slave… I understand that’s a terminology that’s widely used in BDSM, however, as a black woman “SLAVE”, just isn’t something I want to be called. I don’t even know if I could process or categorize it as anything other than racist, many of my friends agree. Honestly, I believe that’s why most African Americans won’t even consider trying BDSM; the first thing they say is ” Oh hell naw I’m not about to be whipped across my back calling someone master”. What I will say is, I understand where they’re coming from, however, something in me still longs for that lifestyle. My second biggest fear is that I’ll meet the wrong Dom, and instead find some crazy person hiding behind the lifestyle preying on women. I don’t want to get severely hurt or worst killed, you can never fully trust a person and that scares me.`
It’s simple I want something more than just the traditional intercourse that leads to you going on your way and me going mine. I don’t want a “yes man”, and ladies I’m sure whether you choose to admit it or not we’ve all come across the yes man. You know the man that says ” it doesn’t matter to me, its whatever you want”, they never put up and argument or debate about anything and they let you walk all over them; making all of the choices in the relationship. Ya’ll know what I’m talking about, nothing irks me more than a man that allows me to march all over him, I don’t want to be in control in the relationship but I won’t just bend for anyone. I need to be broken like a wild stallion.
When most people see this they shy away from it or claim that its some form of abuse, however, I see passion, I see two people so lost in each other. I see something that I crave and want, I see a man, not an abuser but a man smitten by his partner, I see a woman so lost in the love she has for him. I see art, beautiful raw art; something that in the “vanilla” world doesn’t exist; I’ve lived the vanilla life all of my life and never once have I felt this kind of passion. Never have I ever felt the feeling of being craved by a man, never have I ever experienced what it was like to truly trust in your mate. To have someone know your body, and push your body pass limits you didn’t even know you had, who wouldn’t want that? what woman would want to feel protected, owned, adored, by their significant other? To the point where you’re the only one he sees? to be the object of his desire on a level no other woman could ever interfere not compete with? I don’t know about you ladies but I want that and I’m not ashamed to say it….
Of all the classifications that fall under BDSM, I’d like to think I would relate more to a middle/ sub rather than anything else. I don’t want to dominate nor control a man I’m trying to relinquish control, I say I’m middle because I have some of the characteristics of a little. I like teddy bear:), cuddle sessions, I love to color, I love everything artsy, I love to watch cartoons and I mean all day I’d prefer Disney movies and cartoons to regular t.v. In all honesty, I’m a big kid lol, I’m not ashamed of it, its who I am; I’m a brat I can be very mischevious and I love to challenge when I can but I’m not blatantly defiant. However, unlike a little I don’t do baby talk, nor do I do pacifiers, bottles etc; its just not my thing but I need the softer dom, someone gentle and nurturing but still firm and strict, and I still need to be put in my place from time to time 🙂 hey I like to play. So I have only one thing left to say
Daddy Dominate me, please…