Hey, Guy’s I know it been a while since I’ve posted anything but I’ve been so busy juggling writing books, being a mom, and trying to find that motivation. I will try to post something once a day…keyword (TRY).
Do you know what it feels like to crave something? to the point were every fiber in your being comes to life when you hear its name? That’s how I feel about BDSM, ever since watching the movie 50 Shads of Gray, it’s all I can think about, all I read about, and all I hear. I know they say curiosity killed the cat; in this instance, I would hope that’s exactly what happens (lol). I never thought I’d be the type to be into something like that, to be honest, I never considered myself to be submissive, I’ve never craved to be controlled or dominated. Not only is it not common in my culture but also in my household, So where did this need come from? was it always there? Is it why I’ve always craved more during sex? I honestly don’t know the answer to those questions, but I feel once I dive into the lifestyle I will be both nervous and excited about what I manage to uncover. I have spoken to a couple “DOMs”, and each has said, “you won’t really know how you will feel about the lifestyle until you try it”.
My mind goes into hyperdrive when I try to think about all the things that could happen to me, I also have my fears and I think that’s what’s stopping me from diving head first into the lifestyle. The biggest fear I have is being seen as a slave… I understand that’s a terminology that’s widely used in BDSM, however, as a black woman “SLAVE”, just isn’t something I want to be called. I don’t even know if I could process or categorize it as anything other than racist, many of my friends agree. Honestly, I believe that’s why most African Americans won’t even consider trying BDSM; the first thing they say is ” Oh hell naw I’m not about to be whipped across my back calling someone master”. What I will say is, I understand where they’re coming from, however, something in me still longs for that lifestyle. My second biggest fear is that I’ll meet the wrong Dom, and instead find some crazy person hiding behind the lifestyle preying on women. I don’t want to get severely hurt or worst killed, you can never fully trust a person and that scares me.`
It’s simple I want something more than just the traditional intercourse that leads to you going on your way and me going mine. I don’t want a “yes man”, and ladies I’m sure whether you choose to admit it or not we’ve all come across the yes man. You know the man that says ” it doesn’t matter to me, its whatever you want”, they never put up and argument or debate about anything and they let you walk all over them; making all of the choices in the relationship. Ya’ll know what I’m talking about, nothing irks me more than a man that allows me to march all over him, I don’t want to be in control in the relationship but I won’t just bend for anyone. I need to be broken like a wild stallion.
When most people see this they shy away from it or claim that its some form of abuse, however, I see passion, I see two people so lost in each other. I see something that I crave and want, I see a man, not an abuser but a man smitten by his partner, I see a woman so lost in the love she has for him. I see art, beautiful raw art; something that in the “vanilla” world doesn’t exist; I’ve lived the vanilla life all of my life and never once have I felt this kind of passion. Never have I ever felt the feeling of being craved by a man, never have I ever experienced what it was like to truly trust in your mate. To have someone know your body, and push your body pass limits you didn’t even know you had, who wouldn’t want that? what woman would want to feel protected, owned, adored, by their significant other? To the point where you’re the only one he sees? to be the object of his desire on a level no other woman could ever interfere not compete with? I don’t know about you ladies but I want that and I’m not ashamed to say it….
Of all the classifications that fall under BDSM, I’d like to think I would relate more to a middle/ sub rather than anything else. I don’t want to dominate nor control a man I’m trying to relinquish control, I say I’m middle because I have some of the characteristics of a little. I like teddy bear:), cuddle sessions, I love to color, I love everything artsy, I love to watch cartoons and I mean all day I’d prefer Disney movies and cartoons to regular t.v. In all honesty, I’m a big kid lol, I’m not ashamed of it, its who I am; I’m a brat I can be very mischevious and I love to challenge when I can but I’m not blatantly defiant. However, unlike a little I don’t do baby talk, nor do I do pacifiers, bottles etc; its just not my thing but I need the softer dom, someone gentle and nurturing but still firm and strict, and I still need to be put in my place from time to time 🙂 hey I like to play. So I have only one thing left to say
Daddy Dominate me, please…
I mean panty dropping, heart-stopping gorgeous, we chatted and he wanted to get to know me. Of course in the back of my mind is like “ok now what do you really want?”, because to me it screamed Scam City. I talked to some friends about my feelings, I told them about the doubts, my body just screamed this isn’t right but I’m always like that. So one of my close friends say “don’t worry give him the benefit of the doubt you know how you do”, my other friend said, ” if it doesn’t feel right then don’t do it… but who knows?”. So, between the two I decided to go ahead and talk to the guy. At first, it was simple introductions you know the typical ” how are you?”, ” what you up to?”. I didn’t get any bad vibes in the beginning so I went with it, we said our goodbyes and that was that. The next day he contacted me again, I thought it was cute that he was showing so much interest; we started chatting more and somewhere along the line he wanted to date. I told him no, because, I was having trust issues and I wasn’t sure how I felt about him; I decided that we were going to just be friends and let whatever happens, happen naturally. He would hit me up from time to time just to say hi and see how I was, I thought it was cute; a week later he decided to try again and ask if we could date. This time I said okay, I know it was stupid on my part, he would send me videos from time to time and let me tell you they looked soo real; he seemed like a really sweet guy. He never asked me for money, all he did was talk to me like any normal man would.
That’s right you read it, I should have run for the hills when I got the chance but noo, I just had to go against my better judgment. As our conversations progressed I noticed after 7 p.m. he would disappear, but not only that he never called and when I tried to talk to him about it he deflected the question and always changed the subject. My curiosity got the better of me, and I decided I would do a reverse search on a picture he gave and ZING!! he turned out to be a bodybuilder. I was pissed because, at the end of the day, I had always been honest from the beginning. When I sent him the information I found he confessed, and that was the end of that. So to make sure no one else goes through what I went through, these are the five signs you’re being catfished.
Let me say this, I don’t care how you feel about yourself; if you have to steal someone’s pictures and create a different identity just to get their attention. You’re probably attracting the wrong kind of people, it is never okay to steal someones personal photos and pass them off as someone else. There are feelings involve, and you never once take into consideration that everything that’s done in the dark comes to light, it may seem like you’re getting away with it but you’re not. Think of it this way, suppose you’re a great guy, you say all the right things and you grasp someone’s attention. You guys make a connection but due to the fact that you’re not who you say you are, the guilt begins to eat you alive. Yet, you’re too afraid to tell the woman who you are because you know she would leave. Is it really worth the heartache the both of you will go through? I don’t think it is; you can’t play with someone’s emotions just because you’re insecure with either what you have or who you are. Online dating is becoming far too dangerous, the only thing its doing is making it easier for a new form of identity theft. I mean take into consideration the person’s images you’re using. Can you imagine all the hateful e-mails and sad stories they have read, because they’ve been accused of something that never happened? We have to stop this, to all of those who like myself choose to date online, please pay attention to your gut if it’s saying something is up more than likely it is…. and to those who are catfishing people for the hell of it no caring who’s feelings you hurt…
Surprised right? You may think this is a joke but it’s not, somewhere right now some poor soul is being verbally fed a line of crap. You know what the sad part is? The person feeding them has no intentions on following through with anything they’re saying. It hurts to know people can be so cruel, what’s the point of conversing with me if you have no intentions on following through? Back in the day (before my generation), when you dated someone or took the time to get to know someone the end goal was MARRIAGE. That’s right ladies and gentlemen MARRIAGE. You didn’t serial date people for the heck of it, there were no competitions on seeing who could bag the most women, or who has the highest body count. Now its a load of bull@#$*, now its taken out of context, now when you say the words “I Love You”, its like saying thank you after a sneeze. The word LOVE used to hold so much worth but has been reduced to mere pleasantries. The problem is, there are far too many people playing games, too many fools who are 
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