Before I get into this topic I just want to say that this is my blog, meaning most if not everything I say will be my opinion. Nothing I say is law of the land, so please take what you can from my blogs, if it doesn’t relate to you then so be it.
Over the years I have watched friends walk in and out of my life, some for the better and some not so much. I sit back and assess some of the falling out’s I’ve had and it got me to thinking. I wonder if people know the true meaning of friendship? I’m not sure anymore but whatever the case may be, I think you shouldn’t call the person a friend unless they meet these criteria.
Ahh, LOYALTY: the golden standard by which every friendship is based upon. Yet, it has single-handedly caused the demise of millions of friendships, what does it mean to be loyal in 2018? Rapper’s rap about it, singers write dozens of songs about it and yet we are no closer to deciding what true loyalty looks like. In MY opinion, if you consider yourself my friend your loyalty towards me should be a constant. No matter what decisions I make, a loyal friend would stand by me through it all even if they don’t necessarily agree with what I do. Have you ever had a friend that didn’t like a decision you made or something you did and instead of talking to you about it they decide they don’t want to “mess” with you anymore? Seriously, how childish can you be? we are not friends because we have everything in common. We’re friends because there was something in you that I didn’t see in myself and it drew me towards you.
They say honesty is the best policy, but I think somewhere along the lines people have confused this notion. Have you ever heard a friend say ” I lied to you because I wanted to protect your feelings” or ” I lied to you because I wasn’t sure you were going to believe me”? There is no excuse to lie to anyone you call a friend; why? because once it gets back to me the first thing I’m going to say is “if you knew why didn’t you tell me?” The last thing I want to hear are those excuses, it would hurt my feelings more to know that you knew and didn’t say or do anything about it.
It takes a true friend to have Patience, you’re not going to agree with everything your friend does, and you’re also going to see things your friend won’t. For instance, have you ever had a friend that was in a poisonous relationship, you said something to him/her and they just brushed you off? It takes patience to sit back and watch your friend go through the motions of finding out this news for his/herself. However, a true friend will wait for the demise and you will never hear “I told you so”, they will welcome you with open arms and comfort you in your time of need.
Let’s be real, nobody wants a stick in the mud 24/7, in order to be a good friend you have to have a sense of humor. I mean I don’t want a friend who gets offended by everything. I want to laugh, do silly things, take silly pictures, and crack jokes on each other. You can’t do that with someone who is always serious, however, in the same breath you do need a friend that is disciplined enough to keep you grounded when things are getting out of control.
There is no such thing as friendship without dependability, I need to be able to depend on you and your word. Let’s say I have to plan a big event and I leave you in charge because I got sick, you tell me not to worry and that everything will be taken care of. Only later do I find out you didn’t keep your word and I get in trouble, what kind of friendship is that? I would never count on your for anything else. That type of friendship won’t work it will become one-sided and I would begin to feel used. Or how about something more realistic like…you heard someone was going to do harm to me or threatening me as my friend I need to be able to count on the fact that if something should “go down”, you have my back just like I would have yours.
This has to be hands down the second most important rule of friendship, a good friend will always respect your boundaries. Yes, that’s right he/she would never cross the line that you have set for the friendship in any way. There will never be a fight about saying something he/she shouldn’t have said, repeating what he/she has heard, stealing or touching what wasn’t his/her’s, and messing with your significant other behind your back. That a big no, no, by any standard and to be honest you shouldn’t have to tell someone that however, I have heard many people say ” My friend slept with my man/woman. A REAL FRIEND WOULD NEVER DO THAT, no matter how mad they were at you.
I could go on and on about what makes a great friend, love, and a great listener also make the list but are the most obvious. I will say this if you ask yourself if you’re a good friend to others, and you’re iffy about the answer to that question. Then 9/10 times you’re not a good friend. The reason I say this is because, the people who gravitate towards you in some way shape or form, saw something in you they could relate to. “Birds of a feather flock together”. Meaning you are the company you keep if you’re a bad friend the people around you are more than likely bad friends. This is just my philosophy.
Until next time…
Raquel's Lounge 
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